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Job Interviews

I’m moving soon and will be needing to find a local career once I’ve settled in a new state.

I am interviewing and presenting as male. But my suit doesn’t fit me that well and I find women’s suits accentuate things I really don’t want to accentuate, which could be misleading too. Tailoring is way out of my current price range, and while I plan to have a tailored suit in the future, I want to wait until I’ve been on T for a few years in case there are some shifts in my build.

How do you guys typically dress for interviews? Do you wear a men’s suit that’s less than a perfect fit, or a women’s? Do you politely correct the interviewer if you’re misgendered or is that typically a bad move?

Help Our Rights in Arizona

A lot of Arizonans are up in arms after a bill passed that made it illegal to discriminate against trans people in the workplace. Now they want to pass a bill that will give a trans person jail time for using a public restroom.

Here’s the thing - I frighten women when I use their restroom. I don’t want to do that. I’m more likely to get in trouble for using the women’s room than for using the men’s, where I belong. It isn’t safe for a trans woman to use a men’s restroom - she could easily be beaten, raped, or killed. This bill requires us to out ourselves if we need to use a bathroom in a public space. It is trans people who are threatened here, not the cis folks. Most cis people will never even be able to tell that they are sharing their restroom with a trans person but this law could lead to serious danger for us.

There are a lot of reasons I’m leaving this state, these kinds of bills being only one of them, but please help out those who are stuck here.

Welp

Sooo for those who I told we were going out of town - we had a problem come up last night and we’re still stuck in Arizona.

My phone isn’t working sorry, but will have new one today I hope D: All these things get so expensive when you don’t have a job hahah.

And in the meantime HUGE THANK YOU to all who responded to my questions on Florida and Arizona and for following me too! I haven’t gotten to all of the messages yet, I didn’t expect so many insightful answers in my ask box. It means a ton that you guys are so willing to give advice. This is one thing I really love about the trans community. Thank you thank you.

Girls who date trans guys & women

I’ve seen girls being heavily criticized lately for saying they date women and trans men. There’s a lot of people in the FTM community who say these girls are not respecting the identity of their boyfriends and are still regarding them as women.

In my experience, I don’t think ALL of them are trying to be ignorant. Some probably are, but I’ve met a few girls who are dating trans men and they fully recognize their partner as a man and respect his identity. Some have had very bad experiences with cis-men that have caused them to fear them. It’s the actual male anatomy that frightens some of them, and they take comfort in the fact that many trans men can relate to the vulnerability and fear that women often face, as they’ve been faced with it too at some point in their lives.

One very kind, open-minded and respectful woman told me she loves and supports her boyfriend entirely in his transition, but deep down, she’s afraid of how she might react when he has lower surgery. She was badly abused when she was young and still deals with the pain and terror from it now. She wants him to do everything he needs to do in order to be happy in his own skin, and she knows he would never hurt her, but she is struggling to control her phobia of certain male anatomy.

Ideally, people should not have to fear a person over a part of their body, but from the viewpoint of an abuse victim, I can understand why it could frighten them, and I think that jumping to the conclusion that none of them recognize their partner as male is false. As long as both partners are happy and comfortable, then I’m happy for them.

28) What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don’t do it?

…Draw? (Been sewing lately instead whoops.) Talk to my girlfriend and buddies, get some kind of exercise? Lol far as trans-related goes, I need to have my packer. Always. I have a really hard time without it. I can do without the binder if I’m not going anyplace where I’ll be exposed to large numbers of people, but I still like to wear it almost daily.

Wow it’s taking me way longer than 30 days to do these sorry :V

27) What goals do you have?

To get into the animation or gaming industry, and to publish my comic, online or in print. I plan to move to the west coast as soon as is physically possible, but I need to get work and to arrange a place to live somehow. As far as trans goals go, I would very much like to receive hormone treatments whenever it’s possible to do so. It would help solve a lot of my stress and should end some of my physical issues as well. Surgery is not likely and while I would like to have top surgery at some point, I’m wary of anything more than that, due to massive costs and health risks.

25) Doctor visits?

OB-GYN appointments terrify me. Now that I understand more of why they terrify me, I’m not as scared of them. I used to cry and shake beforehand, lose sleep worrying about going, all because I did not want to acknowledge that part of my body was so wrong to me. I repeatedly told doctors that I was not sexually active nor would ever be, and was told that I needed mental help, in rude ways at times. They’d ask me what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t having sex and I simply did not want it at all, ever. I couldn’t really explain why aside from labeling myself as asexual.

I came out to my most recent doctor and she was the most welcoming, genuinely curious, and friendly doctor I could have come out to. She’s very supportive and while she has little to no knowledge on the specifics of dealing with it, I know I can trust her, and that means a ton. While it’s a womens-only clinic, I am hopeful that she may be able to continue to see me even if I move forward with anything while still living here.

Question on job applications

How do you guys go about job applications?

I am a graphic designer/animator. I’ve been applying for more than half a year using my chosen name. However, my legal name is very clearly female. I present as male - I dress in a business suit, have a male haircut, etc. I get misgendered from time to time in my interviews but I never correct it. Gender is not a discussion I want to have in an interview, it’s not what the job is about nor is it something I want to make a big deal of. I simply dress and present the way I do because it is the only way I feel comfortable.

I’m beginning to think that my nickname and appearance might be hindering my ability to get hired. Is it better to regress and wear blouses and makeup in order to get the job, then come out later when everything seems to be stable? Part of me thinks this is dishonest, and it makes me hugely uncomfortable. I  worry that once I do come out, which unfortunately will have to happen, it will make things more complicated. But I also can’t keep sacrificing my chances at getting into my career field if it’s hinged on something I can fake for a while to give myself a leg up.

I live in Arizona, in a highly conservative area. I don’t feel very safe in most of the workplaces I have applied to locally, but I have been happy with most of the treatment I have received in interviews with companies in the cities I hope to relocate to (Portland, San Francisco, Los Angeles). Problem is, most of them are only interested in local candidates. Does anyone else have experience in the Phoenix AZ area or any of the cities above, and know whether or not my gender identity might be impacting my eligibility, or if maybe using a nickname makes them suspicious of something else?

Thanks to anybody who takes the time to help!

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